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I'm usually not one to vent about my personal life most of the time anymore, but....I need help. I don't know what to do anymore. I'm just like, fuck it, you know? While my online life might seem glamourous, my real life isn't all that it's cracked up to be. How? Well....
Fuck Louisville, Kentucky, USA (and customer service)
As some of you know, I constantly struggle financially, and if it wasn't for my parents, I'd be in deep shit. I'm 25, and I still am having a hard time finding jobs I can actually do. I've messed up so many jobs, and I'm just sick of putting up with the bullshit kissing people's asses who are nothing but vile to me, attack me, and try to get me fired even if I did nothing wrong. Yes, I work in customer service, the living hell.
The problem with Louisville, Kentucky, the place I've hated as well as most people here, is that I apply to jobs, they never give me enough hours, and the supervisors/managers are NEVER good, never decent. ALWAYS treat their employees like shit from my experience. That, and I keep messing up everything, always me getting bitched at like I'm dumb. I've experienced this for many years, and today I finally had a mental breakdown.
Yes, I am miserable. I am finally happy with myself as a person, but living in this city has only dragged me down, there are selfish, rude, entitled, stuck-up, angry, reckless driving, assholes here. I want to get the hell out. But I can't, because I'm trapped here because no one will give me enough hours, and I'm forced to work jobs I'm not good at and hate.
I can't take it man....it's tearing me apart mentally, dealing with these people. I'm sick of being around negative people, it's bullshit. I want a positive life, and being here is preventing me from doing that. I don't know what to do anymore, where I fit in, what to do. I've had this problem off and on, but today takes the cake. Worst day I've had in a long time....
Most of you won't read all of this, I'm just like whatever anymore, but this is how I feel. I need help. I'm stuck, at a dead end. I'm glad my music business is doing well though, it definitely does help, thank you guys. I just want to quit this job at the grocery store fuel station but I have nowhere else to go. I hate the people here, and my friends got married and left me behind. Some friends, right? They hang with other people now. Fuck them for that, honestly.
I am very much a heart person, lately I've been taking better care of myself, and I'm tired of putting up with bullshit I don't have to. I can't stand these people anymore, I don't want to be around these miserable childish immature assholes who don't know how to be managers and be decent, drive on the road, and treat people in general. I've had it. They've made me nothing but miserable. I want a positive life, not this bullshit I deal with on a daily basis.
It's a toxic environment, it's hurting me emotionally, and physically. Mentally in general. I screamed and cussed and broke down crying, and I'm not afraid to admit it. I want friends to hang out with, I've lived alone for 4 years, my job IS my people interaction, rarely seeing anyone else. Last night I had a dream of talking with people about anime at some guy's house who was also a musician....that's the kind of life I want. Not this bullshit.
I've thought about doing stand-up comedy, but I have stage fright. I don't know what to do at this point. I just want a job with a decent manager, that pays well, and gets me enough hours. I want a life. With that said....I'm broken down right now. I'm happy with myself, but miserable with this life. It's unhealthy. I want to be healthy.
So....if anyone has any ideas on something else I can do, or how I can get the hell out of Louisville, KY, please....let me know....thanks....