View Profile RealFaction
Co-owner of Coded Emotion (game developer), Co-Founder of the Art-Inspired Music Contest and Pixel Day. Just some guy who loves making music, writing, making games, and helping people, and is pretty much a mega nerd. Profile picture by Shadowcat5150.

Johnny @RealFaction

27, Male


Louisville, KY

Joined on 9/21/06

Exp Points:
1,578 / 1,600
Exp Rank:
Vote Power:
5.45 votes
Town Watch
Global Rank:
B/P Bonus:
5y 3m 27d

A bit of honesty/updates

Posted by RealFaction - October 15th, 2018

I prefer not to post this sort of stuff on newgrounds about my personal life most of the time, because I don't want to be negative, or a drag, but I guess I'm reaching out for help, because I sincerely need it right now.  As of late I've mostly been okay, but due to some stuff that's been going on today, stuff that triggered certain emotions....i'm not okay today.  You probably won't read most of this which I don't expect many to, it is a lot to read after all.

Anyway, here's a basic vent about my current personal life.

Today i had a fight with my dad because he's very stubborn, angry, and I stopped accepting his apologies because it's a routine.  Do something to emotionally hurt me and be stubborn doing things his way selfishly, apologize, do it again.  He'll never change, and he'll do it again, and again.  That's how it's been for years, since I was a kid, what he always does. 

I've been dealing with mold in my a/c ventilation system, im very allergic, so that's been going on the past week.  And yes, those two things connect, because I always have to rely on my parents for money, and things.  I only make like $400 a month with my current job.

Overall, I'm just lost with my identity, what to do with my life job-wise.  I wanted the Kickstarter to work out but it's still sitting at $31....and I guess that's all my Venturescape series will ever be worth, but that's probably just my anxiety talking, that's how I feel I guess...I've failed a lot, and I know failure is what it takes to get better, and you have to keep trying, but right now I feel terrified, and uncertain of what to do.

Living with Autism is the most annoying, the biggest struggle of my life.

It makes me slower at many things than most people, and my capacity for patience is physically shrunk in half because of the way I was born, that's what it does to my brain, it didn't develop/grow on one side as much as other people's brains (yes, literally).  I'm also quite emotionally sensitive due to it, and being in certain environments is hard, I'm still yet to totally find a way to deal with my frustrations, and bad managers.

I'm reluctant to apply to many jobs due to my fear of repeating past failures at past jobs of certain kinds.  I'm trying my best to get past it, but I genuinely don't have a plan for my life outside of what I do with my Venturescape series, and music here which I don't really lean on.  It's why I've tried hard to promote the Kickstarter and what not, that's my dream, I'm actually good at that.  I feel lost. I'll even admit I've been crying my eyes out, I don't care anymore, fuck it, you know now.

I know I have to get past this somehow, but this will slow my progress further with videos maybe....or maybe in a day or two I'll figure something out, maybe not, I really don't know guys...I'm sorry.  I've kept living with let downs and failures, and it's getting to me. I'm still better than I used to be emotionally, but today's been a really rough one. I still have those every once in a while, we all do. I just feel I've let myself down, and let you all down. I'm sorry.

Anyway, Venturescape will still keep going, i'm still waiting on my actress to re-record her lines in the next week, hopefully. In terms of music, soon I'll upload a demo from the past, another unreleased song I'm happy with for the most part besides the mixing issues, that I think you all will enjoy.

And thank you to those who have given me wonderful supportive comments in the past on here and on my videos, it means a lot. Keep on keeping on, everyone. I just wish I knew what to do financially right now, what job to get, what I can do. I feel pretty beat up and broken right now guys. Anyway, stay tuned.

PS: I can't wait to see you all at the NG Meetup party next month, I hope people show up.  Woo.


Comments (10)

Sending you love from here. I know it's not much, but I feel you and want to give you a hug so bad ❤️

Thank you, you've been a great friend to me.

I'm damn sure your creativity and talent is worth much more. Hope it'll work out soon!

Thank you.

I'm very sorry to hear all this, RealFaction. I can relate on the roadblocked job prospects, as I see myself in a similar boat. More imporantly, I am sorry to hear that your dad is like this with you, so I hope your relationship with your mum is good. Shame your contributions on NG don't secure you financially, 'cause your kind of talent would get you well off in no time! Guess all I can really do is wish you the best, and say to keep your chin up on the job front.

Thanks. Sometimes I wish I could work for NG, but I know right now that wouldn't be possible understandably, and I doubt I'd have the skills they need, so I do what I can to help the site. But for now, I have to do more to take care of myself. That's why next year, the AIM contest will be run by someone else that I trust. But I'll still be doing Pixel Day every year.

400$ per month in Europe - it is realy horrible. I hope you'll finally solve this economical trouble.

Damn. Sorry to hear. Thank you.

I've got friends and family dealing with depression right now, and basically the only advice I can genuinely offer to you based on what I've learnt is for you to not give up on your dreams.

Might sound cliche and kinda cheesy, but any hopes and dreams that keep you going give you the best chance to endure and eventually find your own enjoyment and comfort in life.

How's that phrase go? 'It's better to fail, and eventually succeed than to never fail and never succeed.' Just because you didn't have luck with a certain job at a certain location, trying again somewhere else could be the ticket to getting it down right.

With Venturescape, keep in mind that all sorts of deserving people (yourself included) are trying to fund projects with Kickstarter with varying degrees of advertising. People also only have so much extra money to go around. So your audience could very well want to fund it, but are in a tight spot financially. Times change though, so who knows!

Keep plugging away at your projects when you want to/can, and your audience is sure to grow in time. Same with my stuff, same with yours, same with everyone's. :)

Best of luck buddy!

Thanks. You're not wrong there.

There is good news out of this, this shows how far you come, the challenges you facing in life, the goals you are reaching for. And you keep going. And that's what should drive you is to keep going. Easy said than done because none of us is in your shoes. Take a look at all you have done and accomplish good sir. The people you touch and helped in life.

I can relate about feeling like a failure, two steps forward -->, four steps backwards<--- I guess it's the lesson part of life. Stand up and keep walking. ;)

Thanks man. You're right about that. By the way, the episode of the series you're in is episode 9, I think, or episode 10. I know it's one of the ones coming up. Episode 8 is coming out soon.

Sending all the best wishes, please know that you aren't alone in your frustrations.

thank you, things are getting better, slightly

Wow.. My situation with my father is pretty similiar to yours and its degrading me.

I'm sorry you have to deal with that :(

@RealFaction Your situation seems worse, not to discourage you though. All the best bro.


@RealFaction keep cranking up good music